Missing you.

I don't know if you read my blog.... if nothing else I hope you read just this post.

I miss you something terrible!

I am sorry I am not the kind of person you want in your life.

I wish I had seen that you didn't want me there.... I didn't know until it was too late!! I had blinders on.

Please forgive me for wanting to be a part of your life.

I know now that I pushed my way in though I promise that I didn't know it at the time.

I don't understand it myself... I only know that something about you drew me toward you.

Was it your love for life? Your love for family? Your love for our Heavenly Father? My answer is YES!!

I admire your love for all of these and more... I desired to learn from you.

I thought if I could just be around you...I might be able to be like you. To be loved like you.

I only wanted to be your friend. I wanted you to be my friend.

I can not change what has happened. I can not promise what will happen in the future.

I know that I am sorry for all of the sorrows that I have caused you.

I know that I do not deserve to be forgiven nor to be given any more chances by you.

Please know that I am truly sorry and that I will forever hold you in a special place in my heart.

I will be here "if" you ever need someone or more likely are ever down to your last straw and need someone.

I LOVE YOU and ALWAYS WILL.
I am thankful that you walked across my heart if only for a little while.

If you read this and you believe it's you... please leave me a short comment... even just an anonymous.. "got it".

Please leave me a note even if you don't think it's you... I like reading comments.

It's been a while

It's been a long while since I have posted here...

So much has happened yet everything remains the same.

I have reluctantly accepted that fact that all of the medicines I am on are a necessary evil. I don't want them but I need them so I have to take them. Do they work? Yes and No. Some I can tell a difference with but others I can't tell you if they are working or not... I don't feel any different than I did before I started taking the medicine.

I was dangled a couple of carrots of hope a few months ago but they are so far out of reach that they are not even an option and are never likely to ever reach my plate.

I have no hope for some things and less than a glimmer of hope for others. Yet I still breathe.

I wake each morning... I go through the motions... I fall asleep some time during the night just to do it all over again some time after the sun rises.