What does being a friend mean?

One definition of friend is: A person you know well and regard with affection and trust.

I am struggling with this lately as I have way too much time and think about things way to much.

I wonder what kind of friend I am?? By this I mean, sure I would do just about anything for someone that I regard as a friend. But, I am really not a good friend. I rarely check in with these people as I feel I am stepping over some mysterious imagined line.

I don't want to push myself into someone elses life... I've done this before though at the time it was truly not what I was intending to do...it just happened. I can only say that I truly did not know that I was doing this...it was pointed out to me at a later date with some very harsh words that opened my eyes and caused me to back away.

I feel as though those whom I used to call my friends are now more on the acquaintance side... definition of acquaintance is: someone we are familiar with or know but less than a friendship level.

I struggle now trying to find my place in this world in regards to being a friend and/or having a friend.

I wish all of this made sense... I can't find the right words to express the emotions and thoughts that are bouncing through my brain.