IT -- Elephant in the room

"IT" is a constant companion that fills my mind with how, where, and when...

"IT" is the Elephant in my room, is the largest thing that follows me everywhere.

I tried once and for a long time to make friends with "IT" in hopes that 'IT" would ease up and hopefully go away.

I now know that unless something drastically changes... that my reality is that "IT" is most likely to win.

I try to dodge out of "ITs" way.

I have grown too tired and too weary.

I can't really call what I do each day, living... because I don't feel alive.

I breathe in, I breathe out, my heart is still beating... but I am not alive... I am existing.

I want to fall asleep and never wake.

I am tired of causing worry to those around me...

I'm tired of hurting.... I'm tired of being a burden.... I am tired of taking up space that I know someone out there deserves much more than I....

I'm tired of having to ask for help just to take a shower...

I'm tired of being so scared to leave my room....

I'm tired of my physical pain getting worse every hour of every day.

I have been fighting a battle that I know I can't win....

RSD = Intense physical pain that has NO CURE.

BiPolar = a very mixed up mind that bounces from incredible highs to the deepest pits of the earth....for me these mostly happen at the sametime.

Depression = me wanting to find the end.

Anxiety = mental thoughts with nerves way out of my control.

Panic = wanting to run away to never be found.

PTSD = Intense memories of TERRIBLE things that I don't want to dig up and I don't ever want to think of again.