Reaching out...

Today has been a hard day....

It is hard for me to admit to those I care about that something is wrong with me.

It is hard for me to admit that I need help with something.

It is hard for me to reach out and ask.

Today, I have done just this... it wasn't easy and the lump in my throat became a boulder.

I honestly admitted that though I wasn't sure what was going on I knew something is not right.

I honestly admitted that I needed help from a professional.

I swallowed hard an made a couple of phone calls. Talked with my therapist just to let her know that I am not doing well. I have an appointment with her for later this week. I also talked with my Pastor friend's wife and made an appointment to talk with my Pastor friend on the same day as my therapists.

I am so afraid of my thoughts and afraid that my actions may follow my thoughts.

It's a scary life... living with constant unrelenting pain of all possible kinds takes every ounce of strength I can possibly muster up to just breathe most time... one breath at a time.