Changes...

I find it amazing how things in life can change so fast!!!

I've lost that calmer feeling that I had going earlier in the day...

Like a ball bat to the back of my head, or running face first into a brick wall.. reality hit me.

Can people really be friends and never see each other? Only talking via email once in a while or keeping up via one of the social networks??

I'm beginning to believe that if this is the case... people are more likely friendly acquaintances rather than friends.

I discovered today that I can count my true friends on less than a few fingers.... I never had more than a handful...but to realize it really is far less than that... it hurts my heart... and leaves an empty feeling in me.

I've been crying pretty much all afternoon and fighting back some very dark thoughts... Vomiting because reality is painful.... or maybe it's just because I've been crying... I don't know.

It's hard to feel alive when spending time alone because no one wants you in their life.

I'm beginning to close another door... but it hurts so much... part of me wants to leave the door a little open...but knowing that mostly likely the only thing to come through that door will be more pain.

I can't take any more pain in my life!!! My reality tells me that I will have to...but I don't want to.

How do you say goodbye... and just walk away??? How do you leave those times behind??
Can I just let it go? Baby steps...one moment at a time... slowly letting go.