Emptiness

There's an emptiness that surrounds me...

Void of happiness, love, joy, faith, laughter, hope, and light.

I spend most of my time in this place... 99.9999% is here..in the dark.

I can't say that I like it here...but I can't say that I don't either... It is what it is.

No one to lean on... I wouldn't even if there was...

I've leaned too hard, depended to much, just to be accepted.... to feel wanted.

It took me a long time to see all of this... and it opened my eyes when I realized that I wasn't and haven't really been accepted nor wanted.... I was intruding on others lifes.

I never want to be the person that others "let" into their lifes only because they feel sorry for them... I believe that this is what has been happening... It hurts because I didn't know this sooner... I just didn't know. I let my guard down.

Now that I know.. the walls are back up, bigger and hopefully stronger than before... I never want to let them down again... tears flow as yes all of this hurts...

It's hard when I already knew I was a loser, a waste of life, no good... I tried to ignore my feelings, my thoughts... but it's painfully obvious...that all along I was right about me.