Messed up ramblings

I want to run away and disappear into the darkness that surrounds.
I have many thoughts running through my head right now so if this goes astray please understand... my thoughts don't make much sense to me so I'm sure they may not make much sense to you.

I feel so very alone. I have no one to talk with, no one to spend a day with, I feel as if I were to disappear that it would take a long time for any one to notice if they noticed at all.

As I have said before, I don't have many friends...friends by definition that is... I'm becoming more aware of acquaintances... those I have a few....I think. I'm still trying to figure out "friend" and how I fit into that role...

With so much going on, or really it's so little in my life... I have been trying to remember to tell those people who have helped me and those I care about how I feel.

If I tell you I love you it's because I really do... Not in love... just love you as a person and I am more than grateful to have you in my life.

I know there are people in my life that God has put there for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The lifetime one is hard for me to wrap my head around... it's a personal doubt thing for me...as I have had many people disappear that I thought would be in my life forever... I guess maybe for me there is no such thing.

So, if you have crossed my path, walked along beside me for a while, or maybe you are still walking with me...Thank you. Know that whether our connection was for the good or maybe for the bad...my heart appreciates you, for you have taught me a lesson I needed to learn.

My physical pain levels remain very high tonight... my mental/emotional pain levels are following close behind. I have wanted to sleep all day and wish the world away.