Preparing

I feel as though I am once again preparing my heart and soul for bad news. It's a matter of time... I know it's going to happen... again. I know deep in my heart and head that I can't take it any more.

I have found myself making plans all day... not plans that most would make...just plans that someone in my shoes might take.

Dark all around... I know I could do this or that... I just don't want a family member or friend to discover...

I really do not want to hurt anyone... a big part of me believes that no one would notice or care.

But there is a very teeny tiny part of me that knows my action(s) would hurt maybe one or two.

This is the ONLY thing right now that is stopping me from taking one of the actions that I have planned out in my head. I have the means... I know the way... It's just a matter of place and time.

I want out of this darkness and I want the pain to go away.