Where did the day go?

I don't know what happened but today just flew by and I feel like I was ran over by a train.

My heart is feeling rather empty and I am feeling so very alone. I've tried listening to the music that inspires me and usually fills my heart with joy but today it's different... just emptiness.

I feel as though I am screaming for help at the top of my lungs but no sound is leaving my mouth. Screaming so loud that no one can hear... is that possible?

I can only pray and ask for calming peace and for love and hope to fill my heart. God... can you hear me?

It SNOWED!!!!

I can't believe it finally snowed... 6 inches is what it measured on the outdoor table. :)

I would love to be able to go outside to play in this... ok... so I'm a big kid on the inside. Building snowmen, having snowball fights, and making snow angels....Things I would love to do. But I will have to settle for just looking at it from behind the glass.

I could go outside and play but I understand that what I would have to pay in terms of pain is not worth the play time. RSD does not respond well to cold and ice. My body just can't adjust to keep me warm. On the flip side...when it's extremely hot... my body can't adjust to cool me down. My body has a huge tendency to turn various colors and shades of red and purple due to the cold and heat.

God sure did a beautiful job painting our town white. I was up and down several times last night watching it snow. It sure is beautiful all fluffy and bright white.

Enought rambling for now... I'm going to go look out the window again.. :)

Blah day...

It's been a long day today... my heart is feeling really empty and confused.
I feel as though my heart is telling me to prepare for a goodbye. As if someone is going to be leaving me. I just want to cry.

I don't know if this...the way I am feeling is part of the bp depression or if it's some sort of premonition... (please don't think I'm wierd... I'd rather be prepared than be surprised.)

I have a bunch of thoughts bouncing around in my head but I just can't get them to come off of my fingers. I know this is part of the bp... it happens quite often and it's very frustrating.... what is worse is that this happens when I am talking to someone and my thoughts keep getting mixed up and the conversation seems to go a million different ways in just a few minutes.

Well, I hope my friends and family are having a great day and that everyone reaches their destinations safely. It's lightly snowing here.

Prayers and hugs go out to everyone in my life.

Hugs....

Here it goes.....

Well... Here it goes...

My Journey --- Learning to grow in faith... I've only just begun. For many years I didn't believe and actually refused to believe that God loved me in any way shape or form. I am now learning that I am one of God's children and that he does indeed love me even though I am way far from perfect and still question so very much where He is concerned. I know for certain that He fills my heart with much love even when I am so very lost.

I also know and believe that God has placed some VERY WONDERFUL, SPECIAL, LOVING, and CARING people into my life and most importantly He placed them into my heart. I know without them in my life... I wouldn't be here.

My Journey is also about my battle with RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy) an incurable and extremely painful disease that makes every nerve ending in my body feel as though I've been left on an iceberg in the antartic in the baking sun. I could also explain RSD as... imagine hitting your thumb with a sledgehammer from a full swing and that instant wanting to puke immeasurable pain.... that's kinda close to how I feel with RSD everyday.

I try not to complain about my having RSD... but... if it's a really bad day... I may just have to vent a little....

My Journey is also about recent diagnosis of BiPolar and how it affects my daily life and the impact it has on me, my family, and my friends.

That's it for now... more in days to come.