Pain + cost = tears and fears.

Tears rolling down my face....

It is so hard for me to see others so happy because their dreams are coming true...
I should be happy for them and somewhere I am...
But deep inside... It hurts... it hurts so much.

I fight as hard as I can.
I have fought for so long.

It all comes down to...
No matter what I do, Nothing is going to change.

Pain is my constant companion... but it is not my friend!

Physically---Hell... doesn't even begin to describe. Cold burning, stabbing, spasms, cramping, deep bone aching, are just a few things that are part of my pain. The list is long, scarey, and extremely painful.

Mentally---I can not truly begin to describe the pain that I hold inside.

I arise each day knowing, that I do not want to be alive for one more day.
I do not want to be here.
I do not want to be anywhere.

The cost of continuing, unrelenting pain is...
Lost employment, lost family, lost friends, and lost faith.

The cost is so very high... it can never be paid as the amount continues to rise each and every day.