Panic

TEARS ARE STREAMING...POURING DOWN MY FACE!!!!

My Mind is SCREAMING out in AGONY and PAIN

The thought of having to leave my house for a couple of appointments this week, PLUS the physical pain I am in, is making my chest grow heavy and tight, my throat is even tighter...

I am scared beyond measure at the thought of having to step outside of my little room. Too afraid to eat, to go to the bathroom, to go around anyone...even my family.

I am scared to death at what "might or might not" happen next!!!

My stomach is turning... I can't keep anything down...I've been vomiting and diarrhea. I don't have the flu, no fever. (I am kind of laying/sitting/leaning against the edge of my bed because I am afraid to ask for help getting up to go to the bathroom.)

I am having an extremely hard time typing this... I've been trying for the past four hours.... (doesn't help that my hands and fingers are in severe pain!!!)

My body is also screaming out in pain!!!

The more stressed I get... the worse my physical pain gets!!!! The worse my pain gets...the more I get stressed!!!

I HATE this, I HURT SO MUCH in so many ways!!!!!

It HURTS so much to move the slightest bit!!!

Muscles on fire, cramping tight in some places and wildly spasming in other parts.

My bones feel as though they are burning, frozen cold and ready to explode at any second. My skin is on fire...but very cold to the touch.

I am even freaking out and crying uncontrollably because I am forcing myself to write this.... trying to ease my fears and pain...

IT IS NOT WORKING!!! This is making me feel worse!!!!

Something inside of me is SCREAMING...

STOP!!!

DON'T!!!

YOU CAN'T LET ANYONE KNOW HOW YOU ARE FEELING!!!!

THEY WON'T BELIEVE YOU ANYWAY!!!!!

I am in FULL PANIC!!!

I so desperately want to "run" to a place where I can END IT ALL!!!!

I WANT TO END IT ALL!!!!

• I want to run my car into a tree or a bridge--90 to 100mph should do it!!!
• I want to jump from a bridge onto the highway get hit by a car or a semi...even the fall might do it!!!
• Jump off the bridge into the river--hitting the water from 20-30 feet should do it...if not the water is cold enough that it would take no time at all to freeze to death!!!
• I want to take all of my pills at once... go to sleep never to wake.
• I want to cut my wrists or even my throat....takes moments to bleed to death.
• I want to throw a rope over a hidden tree... with my height and weight...I only need to be about 4 feet off the ground...snap my neck! At the very least...it will cut off my airway.

CAN'T YOU SEE??...

ALL OF THIS IS REAL FOR ME!!!

:o( ME )o: