Lost

I am so lost and looking for home.

I find myself standing in the hallway, kitchen, or even my bedroom looking around and saying... I just want to go home.

I don't know what that means....
Does it mean that I want a home of my own?
Does it mean that I want to go home to our Father?
Does it mean that I am searching for a Church Home? A Church Family?

I used to go to church for several months... never missing a Sunday. I loved that little church!! In many ways I still do. That little church felt like home.... I was often so very touched by the words spoken by the pastor. Sometimes it even felt like the service was meant for me to hear.

Why did I stop going.... Well.... I stopped going after a mental breakdown. I decided it was best to not interject myself on to others while I was trying to find myself, trying to patch up and mend a broken mind. I didn't want to be an embarrassment to people who knew me.... didn't want them to be uncomfortable because of me. I still feel this way.

I have been back to this church....once. I felt so very out of place... the service left me feeling empty.... I came to the service that was the last of a series of services that were linked together so I just didn't get the complete picture to the meaning.

I know I posted this before... but I still feel like I had a huge scarlet letter on my chest and I was, at that time...not welcome there. No one specifically said that I was not...but the looks and reaction from several people there made me feel this way. There is a song by Casting Crowns that fits perfectly to how I felt that day....
Does Anybody Hear Her?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbpGl_9rrcA

I need to find a place... a place that feels like... Home.

I roam around.... going in circles.... going no where....
I wish I knew where I fit in... where I would be welcome.

Can any body hear me....