Mixed up brain... mixed up day....

Today has been a mixed up day for me...

I feel like my brain has some sort of mixed up, warped, amusement park inside...

I thought everything was pretty leveled out today.... ha... joke's on me!!!

My day started out pretty mellow... then I got stressed out while trying to finish a project that I had been working on for months...

My brain keeps thinking....Did it really take me months or was I just putting things off??

It took months because I absolutely could not keep concentration to do something that I had done several times and should have been able to do in a matter of minutes. Not to mention the fact that sitting in a chair for more than a few minutes causes excruciating pain in my hips which immediately begins to radiate through my body.

I took a short break when a friend called and asked me to go to the store. I needed a break... I was growing angry and was not handling things to well. The break was nice...short... but needed.

When I got home, I had calmed down.

I went back to the task at hand.... immediately was frustrated as things did not appear to be working out at all and I didn't know what else to do to fix the problem.

I decided to do something else while trying to figure things out.... funny... next thing I know... I realized things were working perfectly.... project done!!!! I have no idea what I did or how it happened...but it worked.

After that, my mood went from my frustrated blah to through the roof elation!!!! Not a normal type of elation but a Wonder Woman---adrenaline pumping, don't get in my way, higher than a kite, loving everyone, no cares in the world---type of elation. This happened in .00000000001 seconds.

This feeling lasted for quite a while....well... a few hours anyway. I was joking and laughing, had a one liner for everything!!!! Then BOOM....something happened an the bottom dropped out!!!

Right now..... I feeling like the substance that is lower than pond scum... like I can't do anything right no matter what I do. I don't know where I fit in and feeling pretty lonely. (I'm not having a pity party... just expressing feelings so they don't get bottled up.)

This is not helping my RSD... I am in a major flare and it feels like it keeps getting worse as the minutes go by.... Stress equals physical pain....

Sigh.... I need to go to bed... get some sleep... but I have a funny feeling that I won't get much rest tonight....


Now I lay me down to sleep..... Amen.