Confused and hurting...

I'm sitting here right now... feeling very confused, lost, and hurting.

RSD (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy) is terrible... everything makes my body hurt.

What is RSD?? http://www.rsds.org/index2.html
Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, is a chronic neurological syndrome characterized by: severe burning pain, pathological changes in bone and skin, tissue swelling, and extreme sensitivity to touch

The lightest of touches makes me feel as though I have the worst sunburn and whatever is touching me is made from sharp jagged pieces of glass.

Harder touches increase my pain so high that I often feel as though I am going to pass out...

RSD is also affected by stress, anxiety, and all of lifes highs and lows.

I know... it doesn't make sense. You see... RSD affects the Sympathetic Nervous System. This is the part of the nervous system that controls things we don't have control over---from the simple things like blinking to each heartbeat. It is our bodies fight or flight system.

RSD starts out as the injured part of the body sending pain signals to the brain and ends up as the brain sending pain signals to the body. My body doesn't know that the original injury site has healed.... the pain signals keep flying through my body. There is NO CURE.

Right now... I am stressed. I feel betrayed. I feel as though I have been stabbed in the back and it took me a year to discover the knife.... didn't notice it until the knife was sharply twisted this week. It amazes me and hurts deeply that the knife was placed there to begin with.... it was done by someone I have considered to be my friends. I don't understand it and not sure that I can forgive... going behind a person's back---even with the best of intentions---will still place a knife in that person's back when the truth comes out... and the truth always comes out.

I just don't get it... I just don't.
I sit here in tears trying to understand...
Sad thing is... I can't even talk to the people I would normally.