I'm trying to get my life back on track after pausing on my path.... I'd like to call it resting for a while...but I am so far from rested. I'm still at the edge and looking down at the darkness but now I am sitting with my feet dangling off the side. Is this any safer? Probably not but at least I have more of me on the ground than just my feet.
It takes more effort to lean out and look over the edge. I sometimes want to jump but I know now...that is an easy way out and it would hurt more people than just me. I'm not planning on jumping... but the thought is always there.
I am not where I need to be... Not where I want to be... I know I've stumbled backward and am almost back where I began! But this time... this time I am fighting!!! I am fighting each and every step. Unlike where this began.... I am not fighting against the mountain but fighting to make sure that I make it to the top with each and every single step. One step at a time.
I made that hard phone call... the one that I have been afraid to make. I called my pastor friend and I will be meeting with him at the end of the week. I need God in my life... I need someone to help me find this path again... It's where I want to be... It's where I need to be. I can't make this climb alone.
Monday, February 16, 2009
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Connie,
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you for the progress you have made in the last year. I know you say it feels like you are back at the beginning, but, you are NOT all the way at the beginning.
If you recall the beginning was far worse.
You know you have friends that love you and you Know GOD LOVES YOU. Something you used to have a hard time accepting. I know you still have a long road to travel, a least now you don't have to go alone and you know you have help along the way.
You are loved by many and we are cheering you every step of the way.
Love you bunches
Rita