Bluntly...

I've been told repeatedly that If I choose to end my life that I will go to Hell...
I really don't care... I'm ready... It honestly can't be any worse than existing the way I am.
I am already going through hell!!!!

I've been told that this too will pass...
Ha... they obviously have no clue how I feel or what I am going through... only thing that passes for me is time.

I really don't want to be here...
I don't want to be anywhere...
RSD is a burning hell on earth....
Mentally and emotionally... too many things to deal with... I can't even deal with what others tell me are minor things anymore.... to me it's too much.

What stops me from ending my life...
Do I really want to?
A promise I've made?
Not wanting to hurt others?
My answer to these.... yes... But these are not simple things to do...
You wouldn't understand unless you are in my exact shoes....

Simply... I am not living for me... I am existing only because....