Long night... but nothing new.

Was up and down (sitting and laying) all night last night.. finally fell asleep sometime after 7am...woke up a little after 8am... It took me until sometime around 2pm to move myself to the edge of the bed--muscles cramping, bone crushing pain, and body on fire--I could only move a little at a time, then rest...

Once to the edge I had to find something to hold onto and pull myself up... it took me another several minutes...15 to 20, to stand and make my way to the bathroom.... it was well after 3pm before I was able to get dressed... found out later that my parents heard me trying to get up but they never came to help... I didn't know they were home.

Pain shooting across my body... bones with deep, shattering, crushing pain... never finding any real relief....

Brain wouldn't shut down... thinking about the pain and how to get relief... thinking about what I can do to end the pain...how to end this pain.

This is my life 24/7, so it's nothing new... sometimes I get help... sometimes no one is around.

The pain continues...
The brain is still massively mixed up... and not slowing down.

I want the pain to go away!!!
At this point... I don't care how...
The physical and mental pain... are just too much...