Again...

I woke up again today.... :o( I truly prayed to never wake up again! Tears have been falling all day.... I can't even die as much as I want too.... If living in constant severe physical and mental pain is living.... I WANT TO DIE!!!

I stayed in my pajamas.... until my mom basically threw me into the bath tub. I guess I must have stunk...

I sat there in the tub awhile wondering if I should use the razor or maybe just dunk my head under and never come back up.

I finally got out of the tub and put my pajamas back on.... My mom threw my laundry in the wash.... one load is done and another is in the dryer.

I've been thinking a lot lately.... there has to be about a dozen parking garages around here... I could park on an upper level close to the edge... it would only be a few steps to make it to the edge. I've been thinking of climbing over the wall and just jumping or letting go and falling.

I've also thought about the many bridges around.... I know of one that is way out in the country and the road is not too traveled. I could jump into the river, it's a pretty decent fall...and with the water so cold.... I'd be gone before anyone would notice.

I also know about the many bridges that cross over the interstate....the concrete in many places is not blocked by the water barrell barricades.... I'm guessing if I hit one head on about 80 or 90 miles and hour there would be just parts and pieces left.

If you are reading this and it is upsetting to you... please forgive me as I just can't live in this pain. I am a burden on my family and society.... I worked hard for many years and now Social Security say's NO, No way are you entitled to the disability benifits that you worked your whole life for....

If I make it to tomorrow... I will write what it is like to live a day in the life of someone suffering from RSD and Bipolar.... Also Major Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, and Social Phobia.

I'm not telling anyone that their life is not worth living.... I'm just saying that mine is not.