Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Living a life on fire...

Living a life on fire, feeling like I am standing in an ice fire...

Imagine a large block of ice on fire... flames jumping every which way...

Now imagine that block of ice is you...

It starts at the tip of my toes and ends at the top of my head...

Feeling like a severe burn that somehow strangely at the same time feels extremely cold.

At times it feels in my brain that my body is ice cold... but to touch me I am warm as can be...at times very hot to the touch.

Muscles fluttering with tremors, spasms, and cramping...



I often feel as though my bones are going to snap in two... Deep bone aching pain... each step feels as though the bones in my feet are going to snap... joints lock up more quickly these days... Ever force a joint to move? Major pain, black out and hoping I land in a soft place and not the hard floor (nice idea but rarely works...The floor and I are becoming quickly acquainted.)

My whole body feels as though it has "fallen asleep" many months ago and is in the "just coming to" phase... a phase that never ends.

Painful when the breezes blow, Increased pain when I am "touched" by the vibrations of loud noises...

Fearful of thunder as a child... more fearful now as the rumbling increases my never ending pain.

A rain drop, a tear drop, many drops from the shower head... necessary but painful. Might as well be railroad spikes....

Skin multi colored... red, purple, yellow, and ghost white.. I often think my skin looks like that of a dead persons...

Ice cold drinks are painful... millions of needles in my mouth and throat... I think swallowing glass, razor blades, or millions of needles might be easier and less painful than RSD.

Taking a long hot bath is no longer an option as I can't tell how hot the water might be... I only know I hurt... sad thing for me is... I can't tell if it's ice cold either.... only pain!

My heart and soul need hugs... my body SCREAMS NO!!

This is a life on fire... RSD is a Cold, Burning HELL!!!!

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