Calendar

The calendar on my wall is still on June.... I haven't been able to change the page. Well, physically I can but emotionally I just can't.

So much in my life right now is dependant on dates.... I didn't want to see July as my anxiety with each passing day up to the 10th was growing higher and higher. July just seems to linger... and my anxiety continues to grow.

Now I can not change the page because I'm not looking forward to the first week of August... I just can't.... I hope those days come and go... I know I'm not going to be able to handle them too well.

Then comes September... another month that the thought of those days passing cause my anxiety to bounce off the stratosphere....

Makes me wonder if I will be able to change it by October.... probably not as a day that month usually gets completely forgotten by those in my life.... I know I shouldn't expect much...but just to be remembered would make my day.

I don't know why I even have a calendar... One day rolls into another... time goes on but I am stuck.

I am looking for to one day but I don't even know when that will be... just waiting... and wondering....