Run away and hide :(

I want to run away and hide...

Find a corner and disappear...

I really do not want to be here...

I really do not want to be anywhere...

"IT" is my constant companion...

I am shaking all over...

Tears fill my eyes... for many hours each day tear drops fall...

My stomach is in a never ending down hill roll...

My hopes and dreams have faded... poof disappeared they're gone.

My faith has once again dwindled down so much that I can no longer see any light.

I don't see any future for me... none. Good, Bad, Ugly, or Indifferent...I see nothing.

My body is wrecked with pain...

My mind is a jumbled up mess...

My emotions are deep down in a hole and still digging...

My heart it hurts but not for me... I don't want anyone to hurt because of me...

The temptation of "IT" only grows stronger by the second...

I search but can not find any other way....

I don't want to live "This" way... because "This" is really not living.

I find it harder and harder to leave my room... mostly out of physical pain...

I really have NOTHING to offer this world... I am taking up space and breathing air that could be better used by someone else.

My hips are hurting beyond description... I feel that if I move at least one of them is going to lock up and send me once again to the floor.

My thighs, knees, calf's, ankles, and feet feel as though I am standing in the middle Hell... My clothes rubbing on my skin is like someone fanning the flames.

My torso hurts so much that my clothes feel as rough as sandpaper... the 40 grit size.

My fingers, wrists, and elbows keep locking.... I have to force them many times to move.

My feet and hands often are curled... the tendons and muscles pull them tight.

Today I went to pick up a glass that was about half full... in the time it takes to blink an eye...my glass was hitting the floor... I didn't even feel it slip. My grip is often minimal at best.

Right now my throat and mouth are on fire.... A few days ago I was told I was slurring my words... the day before that words that I wanted to say were no where to be found... My train of thought fell off the track.

I'm tired but can get no rest. I sleep a little but wake up more tired than before I layed down.

I spend about 22 to 23 hours a day in bed.... everything hurts... even my hair.

I want to runaway and hide...but I know all of this will follow.