I just didn't get it...

I sat with my head down, hair in front of my face, tears rolling from my eyes, trying not to break down and sob.

I was hearing how my life has changed...as viewed by my friend.

I was hearing how sad it made others in my life that knew me before...

Hearing now that they are hurting because I am not able to do the things they believe and know I loved to do.

I was hearing, how much my wanting out, to end my life...was and is hurting my friends both old and new.

After... I was told that they have been telling me things for a long time...

I was listening...but... I JUST DIDN'T GET IT.

Parts of it I had heard in the past but just brushed it away...

How can my life affect someone else's?

How can my decisions about my life affect someone else's life??

I heard... I just wasn't listening... I just didn't get it.

I still don't fully get it...but I am beginning to understand as I saw the pain in the eyes of those who were talking to me.

For the first time... I saw, I heard, I was listening to each word...

I was reminded of a promise... I am holding on to this promise while I fight the fight of my life...for my life.

How do I say I'm sorry??
How do I make amends??

I feel really sad right now, as I truly know that I have caused others to hurt.... I won't name any names but those of you who read here... you know who you are... I never meant to hurt you, I didn't know, even though I'm sure I was told... I just didn't get it.

I am blessed to have you in my life... I am blessed to know you care.

I wish I could find the words to let you know.... I Love You ALL so very much... my life is very blessed from knowing all of you and having you in my life.

Since I have trouble finding the words... I can only hope, that I can show somehow, how much you mean to me.